Dating Apps Dystopia

Dating Apps, are they a necessary evil in this tech age that encourages isolation and emoji communication? Swiping and liking can be a thrill, but is the connection even real if everything is enshrouded in witty banty? Is it possible to say, "let's avoid these time wasters," without being cautioned about posting diatribes and being unkind.  Let's chat about it.

Music by Mound City by Coleman Hawkins (recorded 1929)

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This podcast is recorded in a style that pays homage to talents like Miss Monitor (Tedi Thurman) and explores topics designed to stimulate conversations. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Ask me the questions, and I'll tell you the lies. Maybe that's why dating apps are such shit. I love You see, darlings, recently I decided to join the masses and to jump back into the dating game. Well, how do the kids do dating now days? It seems to be through the world of apps. Click, swipe, and you two could find the love of your life. Mmm or you could find a massive fucking headache. I'm still trying to figure out what I've found. These dating apps are quite interesting. If you are so fortunate as to not have had to endure the mating game, finding a partner through an app, and you are happily in a relationship you love, I applaud you, and I'm actually quite jealous because there's something about these apps that I find quite perplexing. On one hand, it's quite empowering to be able to have at your fingertips the bodies of so many people. The idea that you can just simply swipe and someone you think is absolutely delicious might find you delicious too.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

The fact that you two might connect. It's really quite intoxicating, at least it is for this girl.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

To feel like I have a ton of options, a ton of choice, to feel as if I have so much control. Quite different really when you're off at a bar or at a company party with your friends.

SPEAKER_00 3:20

This is just you and a device and the instant opportunity to say yes or no to quite uh bountiful pool to quite a lovely assortment of personalities and body types.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

And if you've ever tried this, you may have found yourself going, hmm, I didn't realize that was an option. Maybe that is something I might be into.

SPEAKER_00 4:01

So many options. Are there too many options? Are there not enough options? I mean after all, the idea of having a hundred some odd people to choose from a hundred some odd people to decide whether they're worth your time, your mind, your heart, your body, your soul. Well, I have to say it is quite appealing and at the same time overwhelming and at the same time quite intoxicating. I for one felt like I was playing a video game. Swipe, swipe, swipe. But with all the swiping, there's no actual touching.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Mmm That gentleman right there looks exactly like my cup of tea.

SPEAKER_00 5:09

I think I'd like to swipe on the and yet my finger touches the cold glass screen of my electronic device. And I suppose instead of just jumping right into what my carnal feelings are for you at this time, I should scroll through to make sure that you won't bore me the next morning. Are you a giver? Will we be here all night? Perhaps yes, perhaps no, but all the same, with a little scrolling I come to find out that you're actually quite a bore.

SPEAKER_01 5:51

Hmm, and that is rather disappointing because you see, these different apps some allow you to state your interest. Others will allow you to state your political beliefs, what you're working on, what you're working towards. Speaking of working towards, I don't really understand why there are so many men who post selfies of themselves in the gym. Why is that? I mean, if you want me to know that you love to work out and that you are health minded, that's one thing. But couldn't you do that with say a carrot in your hand? Why video of you bitch pressing over a hundred pounds? Why the bicepflex pick? And I must confess, some ladies do go for those things, but I just have to wonder how long do those relationships last? You see, if she's also into the gym, then that completely makes sense. You two couldn't go work out together. But if you are someone hoping that the love of your life will be attracted to your massive biceps, be attracted to your ability to bitch press. How would you feel if you were no longer able to do those things? Would you question if she was still attracted to you? We all age. Our bodies change over time. And sometimes it is not the clock. It is not gravity that changes our bodies. Sometimes events happen that result in changes far sooner than we could have imagined, far sooner than we had feared. And so I for one am always hesitant to develop an attraction to someone based on current looks or ability. And so you might be saying, Well, lovely, that's what the written section is for. You can check out their answers to so many different questions, like what they're looking for. I find it amazing how many men are looking for uh let's see, how shall I put it? Say they are open to a long-term relationship. So you're not really looking for a long-term relationship. You're open to the possibility. I am questioning what all this language really means. I mean the idea that someone is open to a long-term relationship basically tells me, if I'm into you and you're into me, and if it works out and we're still together, then that's great. And if not, I'll move on. Darling, don't waste my fucking time. Because this girl knows exactly what she wants, and she doesn't need a partner to fulfill her. And so I want to encourage you, my dears, to think about what it is that you want. Think about what it is that you need. If you just want a good fuck, if you just need a release, then say so. There's nothing wrong with that. Because there's going to be the perfect partner out there who is more than happy to say yes to that. Questions, questions, questions. And of course, the profile with comical answers, showing me your sense of humor. But beyond that, beyond laughs of the first night, the first day, the first week, how are you gonna handle things when shit gets real? What are you gonna say if the car breaks down, if a pipe bursts in the home? If perchance one of us has an opportunity that could change their life, that can cause them to need to relocate. What are you saying? What are you doing? What are you giving? How are you solving the situation? How are you addressing things? Will you make the other person laugh as you pack your bag, ready to follow them to the ends of the earth and be by their side as they fulfill their once-in-a-lifetime opportunity? Will you have a little chuckle as they pack up their things and leave you behind? Or were you never that invested anyway? Were you never really willing to commit? Speaking of commitment, I find that for men of a certain age, if they have not had a history that shows commitment, the ability to commit, then one must proceed with caution because, well, by golly, Miss Molly, if he hasn't said yes to someone or something, and he is over the age of forty, chances are you're looking for something serious, he's never going to say yes. And commit to anything, especially you. Sound like you are risk avoidant. Or you just don't know what the fuck you want. Which, to be fair, good for you if you don't know what you want. But when you're dealing with a girl who knows exactly what she's looking for, you don't get to waste her time. These apps After a while, after all the pictures, one starts to realize there are a list of common interest. And I for one know many older couples who've been married some thirty plus years who don't seem to have any interest in common. He likes to watch the game or go play golf. She prefers to go hang out with her girlfriends, maybe go to a dance class. And they're okay with that. There's no desperate attempt to get the other person to come along, to follow along, to be in line, to be in step. Now, common interest can be beneficial. It gives you something to talk about. But interests change over time, passions change. The partner who loves going out to brunch, sleeping in late, and maybe staying out all night on the weekend while you get older. And at some point, the clubs start looking a little different. The idea of staying out all night just feels a little different. It's harder to recover Monday morning to do your best at work. It's harder to shake off that hangover despite the hairy dog Sunday morning. Things are just harder. Well, not all things. Some things just don't work the way they used to. And that's a part of aging. But point being, as we get older, our interests can change. That's normal. And so building a relationship off of the fact that you both love to hit the clubs seems a little risky to me. But then again, one must have a starting point. But why does a starting point have to be what we're interested in? Why does a starting point have to be what we look like? I want to know where you're going. What are your goals? What's your future look like? What do you want in five years? In ten years. What's the plan? There's no plan? Oh dear. You may have a problem. But then again, if you're single and you're on the apps, well, you already know you have a problem. And the fact that you're single isn't really the issue, now is it? So perhaps you might say, Oh, I don't want to pick the wrong person. And yet, I don't want to pay for all these apps. They're all the same, they're all scams. Hmm. But why is it in other areas of life it's okay to put value on something that you want after all, if it's worth anything that it's worth paying for? Funny. Worth paying for an American society our botanical Christian society. The idea of pain for love and for sex. Yes, don't do that. Oh no, that's wrong. That's bad. Should all be like a Disney movie. With a little wave of a wand, a little bit of magic, you see each other, love at first sight. Happily ever after What does happily ever after look like anyway? The movie always ends once the wedding takes place. They're right off into the sunset, perhaps. Maybe there's a rainbow. But what does happily ever after look like? Is happily ever after a cold beer and a TV dinner in front of the TV is happily ever after the two of you on a cruise ship to Alaska as you explore the globe now that you've retired is happily ever after sitting by a bedside as your loved one is hooked up to various monitors and you pray that they are at peace and they don't go too soon as happily ever after wondering what life will look like when the kids are grown up and they leave the house and the two of you are face to face with the silence What is happily ever after? Well, darlings, that I don't really know. But I'm not so sure that happily ever after will ever be answered for us courtesy of an app. But what I do know is that you can save yourself a whole world of hurt. Avoid a whole lot of trouble. If before jumping into the dating game, before going to that speed dating event, before hopping on an app, before cozying up next to that colleague at work. Take a minute to think about what you really want. And what you want your next five years to look like. Chances are those two answers will totally rock your world. Well, thanks for stopping by, darling. It's been lovely to chat.